[gbanger]

A couple of old classiscs:-

Following the recent tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a
spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."

Two blondes walk into a building --- you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only glad wrap for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli --- a strong currant pulled him in.

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

Man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on that.'

A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him.' and he picks up the dog and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'What? --- because he's cross-eyed?'
'No, because he's really bloody heavy'

Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my bottom.'
'How's that?'
'Oh, don't you start.'

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke stops and says to me 'Can you give me a lift?'
I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The second one replies, 'So are you, you fat bastard!'

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

Gazza