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Friday Funnies
#1

Just re-post something you've found or recieved during the week. Mine is in the videos thread. I'm not that funny a bloke, really.....




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#2

I guess I'll start the ball rolling with a couple of clean one's...

So a pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

The bartender replied, "Well, okay, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from a little bird poop."

"It was my first day with the hook."


And...

I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night and I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century, old man," he said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPhone."

I can tell you, that fly never knew what hit it!

3 Useless things for a Pilot:
Air above you, Air in the tanks, Runway behind you.

EFLIGHT Blade 400, Inside a Jet Ranger Fuse
HK 500GT, Inside an EC-135 Fuse
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Mavic  2 Pro
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#3




This actually happined at my work a long time ago, back in more relaxed days when you could still buy fire crackers and OH&S were just a few letters

There used to be a bunch of blokes in the main work shop at CSIRO Applied Phisics who were not shy at playing the odd practial joke on each other.

Any way two of the usual suspects, lets call them Viv and Glen, (cause that's their names) made a up a mock fire cracker just out of a peice of dowl wrapped in red paper, they drilled a hole in one end and inserted a wick they'd pulled out of a real cracker.

So to get back at this other bloke, who had doubtless played a trick on them at some earlier stage. They walked up to where he was working, placed the fake cracker on his work bench bench, lit the fuse and ran away. He looks up in shock and then ducks down behind his chair only poping up again to the sound of numerious people laughing. It seems almost everyone was in on it, except the boss of the work shop, Robo.

Since it was all in good humer and this bloke was a bit of a joker too, he thaught in might be good fun to have a lend of Robo using the same gag. So he askes Glen if he can get a bit more fuse for the fake cracker. Glen grabs the fake cracker and promises to put a new peice of fuse in it. Later that day Glen hands him back a live cracker in place of the fake.

Robo's office is a small office with a door and a large window looking out into the workshop.
Well can you imagine the look on the bosses face, when this bloke, as bold as brass, strides into Robo's office, places a bunger on the edge of his desk, lights the fuse and just stands there smirking and enjoying the expression on the face of his unsuspecting victum. Robo looks up, sences it's a trick and yells out what the F__K are you doing!! Neither of them notice The rest of the work shop staff who know somethings going to happen and are peering intently through the window. Miliseconds later, There's this massive KaaAAAA BOooooom, papers get blown about and small bits of bunger and smoke waft about inside the office.

I wast there in those days but Glen tells me it was hard to know who was the most supprised.

“The knack of flying is learning how to throw your machine at the ground and miss.”

"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your thoughts turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."  ~Leonardo Da Vinci
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#4

G'day All

What is the only thing worse than a pilot?
2 pilots.

You are at a party, how do you know if any pilots are present?
Just wait, they'll tell you.

A BA speedbird 747 had just landed at Frankfurt airport, the BA captain was uncertain of the gate location so stopped on the taxiway to check, this pissed the tower off who asked ,"what are you doing, haven't you been here before?".
The BA captain obviously in no mood to take any crap from atc minions coolly stated, "yes I have been here before, came a few times in 1944 however I didn't stop"

A B52 declared an emergency on approach due engine failure.
An anonymous wag pipes up on freq stating "oh no, the dreaded 7 engine approach, better request the equipment."
Cheers
Rob B

1.64m V tail Glider
F-27 (Ted) Stryker
XB70 Valkyrie 70mm EDF
HK Pitts Special
Twister 3D Storm / Trex 600ESP Airwolf Heli's
Viper Jet 70mm EDF
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#5

http://youtu.be/YGnPbKbuqfU




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#6

My other half didn't laugh much at this one, but I nearly wet myself laughing. Obviously different humour appeals to different folks. I think I am a different folk. Cheers for that one, but aren't these suppose to be Friday Funnies?
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#7

(23-08-2012, 09:26 PM)Flying fisho Wrote:  My other half didn't laugh much at this one, but I nearly wet myself laughing. Obviously different humour appeals to different folks. I thing I am a different folk. Cheers for that one, but aren't these suppose to be Friday Funnies?
I could't wait....





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#8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovliyZS-yyM
   




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#9

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iS2N1mBsEdM
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#10

I'm inclined to post all my favourite TV moments but I'm aware this could get boring real quick anyway.... I like Red Dwarf..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9pFwYVn_QM&feature=endscreen&NR=1




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#11

Ah a man of taste......

Hes Arnold Arnold Arnold Rimmer.......

Radio: DX8, Mode 1
Blu-Baby (decided to go green and hug a tree, in repairs)
Parkzone T-28 Trojan (pilot looks asleep but plane ready to go)
E-Flite UMX Beast (Barrel roll you say? But I did 10 in a row while you were asking)
Parkzone T-28 Trojan Ultra-Micro (terrorising the local workplace in the name of more practice)
Parkzone Stryker Ultra-Micro (ready to take fingers off willing launchers)
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#12

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIgqjTN9_TE&feature=related




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#13

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JP1Y-tIJ370




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#14

I'm sure you guys know but Red Dwarf season 10 will begin airing on Oct4 Biggrin
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#15

I'm either early or late for this one...

Aeroplanes (RC & full size) & women.

Please add more points;




SUBJECT: The Difference...

The difference between Airplanes and Women

1. Airplanes usually kill you quickly - a woman takes her time.

2. Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.

3. Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go."

4. Airplanes don't object to a pre flight inspection.

5. Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.

6. Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.

7. Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.

8. Airplanes don't come with in-laws.

9. Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flown before.

10. Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.

11. Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.

12. Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.

13. Airplanes expect to be tied down.

14. Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.

15. Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.

16. Airplanes don't need a long hug after a flight.

However, when airplanes go quiet, just like women, it's usually not good.

3 Useless things for a Pilot:
Air above you, Air in the tanks, Runway behind you.

EFLIGHT Blade 400, Inside a Jet Ranger Fuse
HK 500GT, Inside an EC-135 Fuse
ALIGN Trex 600
Durafly Spitfire
DX6i
Blade MCPx
Mavic  2 Pro
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#16

I'm sorry but this thread is strictly only for Friday Funnies.... The above post shall not be deemed funny until it is friday.
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#17

17. Planes welcome the pilot into the cockpit as often as they want
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#18

A couple of old classiscs:-

Following the recent tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a
spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."

Two blondes walk into a building --- you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only glad wrap for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli --- a strong currant pulled him in.

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

Man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on that.'

A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him.' and he picks up the dog and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'What? --- because he's cross-eyed?'
'No, because he's really bloody heavy'

Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my bottom.'
'How's that?'
'Oh, don't you start.'

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke stops and says to me 'Can you give me a lift?'
I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The second one replies, 'So are you, you fat bastard!'

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

Gazza
















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Don't ever let the fear of landing keep you from taking off!
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#19

ANNOUNCING THESE NEW BOOK RELEASES:
Part 1

~ "How to Write Big Books" by Warren Peace

~ "The Lion Attacked" by Claude Yarmoff

~ "The Art of Archery" by Beau N. Arrow

~ "Songs for Children" by Barbara Blacksheep

~ "Irish Heart Surgery" by Angie O'Plasty

~ "Desert Crossing" by I. Rhoda Camel

~ "School Truancy" by Marcus Absent

~ "I Was a Cloakroom Attendant" by Mahatma Coate

~ "I Lost My Balance" by Eileen Dover and Phil Down

~ "Mystery in the Barnyard" by Hu Flung Dung

~ "Positive Reinforcement" by Wade Ago

~ "Shhh!" by Danielle Soloud

~ "The Philippine Post Office" by Imelda Letter

~ "Things to Do at a Party" by Bob Frapples

~ "Stop Arguing" by Xavier Breath

today'sTHOT============================

There are three kinds of memory: good, bad, and convenient.

=======================================

3 Useless things for a Pilot:
Air above you, Air in the tanks, Runway behind you.

EFLIGHT Blade 400, Inside a Jet Ranger Fuse
HK 500GT, Inside an EC-135 Fuse
ALIGN Trex 600
Durafly Spitfire
DX6i
Blade MCPx
Mavic  2 Pro
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#20

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iEK-IEzw




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#21

Yip, I know, it's not Friday - but never mind ...

http://xkcd.com/1112/

Steve Murray
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#22

It's Friday somewhere.

We all may have to meet one of these one day..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_N0w2rORwSc


3 Useless things for a Pilot:
Air above you, Air in the tanks, Runway behind you.

EFLIGHT Blade 400, Inside a Jet Ranger Fuse
HK 500GT, Inside an EC-135 Fuse
ALIGN Trex 600
Durafly Spitfire
DX6i
Blade MCPx
Mavic  2 Pro
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#23

Had to be done....


Attached Files Thumbnail(s)
   

Signature overload. That list just got ridiculous. However, Funcubs are .... fun.
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#24

Gday All

I know it isn't Friday however....
This is just so out there that I am still not sure what exactly we are witnessing? This isn't exactly a laughing matter topic however lunacy can eventually become amusing. You may wish to pop your brain to one side whilst viewing, you will not need it.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XZvMwcluEg


Cheers
Rob B

1.64m V tail Glider
F-27 (Ted) Stryker
XB70 Valkyrie 70mm EDF
HK Pitts Special
Twister 3D Storm / Trex 600ESP Airwolf Heli's
Viper Jet 70mm EDF
Project Bravo Two
Project '67
Spektrum DX8 Mode 1,3
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#25

I dont know if that was funny or scary. That Jones peanut seems to have many followers all willing to believe for as long as suicide & drugs kill more people than assault weapons, it is ok for loonies to own them & commit the unspeakable mass murders when they cross too far over the line of insanity. Even more scary is that his arguments are convincing in they eyes of people with no ethical values. Maybe they need to look at the statistics showing how many people are killed by intruders using the victims own gun. He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword.
Funny that the goose could only argue his point by abuse & portray himself to be an idiot and thus ridicule his own argument.
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#26

Gday Wayne

Oddly enough his behavior has been praised by many as standing up to the exact "tyranny" that the 2nd amendment was created for?
After reflection I conclude that I feel much sorrier for the poor python that hitched a ride on a QF flight to PNG then I ever will for America and its ongoing irrationality.

Cheers
Rob B

1.64m V tail Glider
F-27 (Ted) Stryker
XB70 Valkyrie 70mm EDF
HK Pitts Special
Twister 3D Storm / Trex 600ESP Airwolf Heli's
Viper Jet 70mm EDF
Project Bravo Two
Project '67
Spektrum DX8 Mode 1,3
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#27

Just my personal opinions

I think the best thing to do would be to get rid of all the loonies 'caue they are ultimatly the ones that cause all the trouble.

Hey didn't some bloke with a funny moustash allready try that in the early 40s ??.........lets not mention the war.

I've never been much taken by hoplofobia or hoplophobes but some people do scare me and there definatly are people out there who shouldn't have guns!!

However I personally have no problem with any sane responsible person possesing a small arm weather it be for interest, sport, work or even dare I say it defence. Tho' the latter is not a reason for firearm ownership that is sanctioned in this country.

I would like to see the statistics on the amount of crime that was prevented by the use of guns and I'm sure there's a lot, every single day. No one ever seems to mention that.

I might also add that areas with the highest leagal gun ownership seem to be the safest not only in the US

For example the highest legal gun ownership per capita in NSW is at Terry hills, now you never hardly hear of a problem over that way do you ??




“The knack of flying is learning how to throw your machine at the ground and miss.”

"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your thoughts turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."  ~Leonardo Da Vinci
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#28

Legal gun ownership, doesn't that mean stored in a locked cupboard. Excuse me Mr Intruder, can you wait for me to get my key & unlock my gun cupboard.
Oh, by the way Mr Burglar, dont bother looking in my locked cupboard, there is nothing in there. You wont find anything to arm yourself and progress to armed robbery.
I am not hoplofobic but I do believe we would have had a lot more Martin Bryants in Australia if we had the same freedom of gun ownership here as there is in the united states of extremists.
Lock up all the loonies for sure, but normally we don't find out they are loonies until AFTER they commit their acts of lunacies.
Ask the families of the slaughtered if they care about the violence detered by armed defenders what they think of gun control..
Sorry Jason, sounds like I am ridiculing your opinion. I do know there are responsible gun owners who would never commit armed attrocities. But depression & other mental illnesses can hit anybody which can overrule all sense of whats right & can be afflicted after legally obtaining guns.
I don't necessarily disagree with your comments, just adding to the debate.
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#29


I understand fully your point of view Wayne, and in a sence we are saying the same thing.
If you look at the Martin Bryant Tradigity that guy was obviously out of his tree to start with, I mean it was obvious to a lot of people he was off the rails before he went beserk and shot a bunch of innocent people. There were others that wern't as obvious, like the guy in Strathfield Wayde Frankem I think his name was. There was another bloke in Melbourne as well, not long before him.

The legislation here is different to the USA and I don't think under our current system either of those nut jobs would have been able to do what they did.

But make no mistake there are plenty of illeagaly possesed wepons out there, in this country, a lot were left over from the buy backs, those that were never handed in. The criminal element has heaps of hand guns too, mostly these have been smuggled in to the country because they sell for big dollers on the black market. All these gang land style drive bys are not done with guns stolen from Law abiding firearms owners. A few guns have been stolen from gun dealers in bold robberies but it's the minority.

There is allways the chance that some crazy will still get a gun and start shooting randomly at people you can't take that possibility away with legislation but it can be slightly reduced and it has been in Australia with the Howard legislation.

The legislation in NSW requires that all firearms be kept under lock and key. A cupboard is not good enough, They must be kept, when not being used or cleaned, in a safe with an approved lock and it must be bolted to the floor and walls from inside. The safe must be inside a building with lockable doors and windows and every single such safe in NSW has been inspected and checked for compliance more than once.

The legislation is a big book A4 size and hundreds of pages. Mighter than the sword perhaps, perhaps not??

I can see some legislation, like what we have, being put in place in the US and it will save a few of these very sad trageties from occuring, with out restricting the law abiding firearms owner too much. I guess there will be a lot of hollering from the stalls and pews but in the end it won't make much of a difference or be as bad as they think or as good as the other side of the debate thinks.

One of the factors which contributed to the Masacers we had here in Australia was the sudden aivalibility of lots of SKS and SKK Semi Auto rifles at very cheap prices. Many many thousands of them came into the country some 26,000 I think, they were about $200 for a good one and about $130 for a roughish one.

Now for some reason back then, our government let these in legaly, It wouldn't happen now of course but the fact remains that less than a quater of them have been handed in!! The gate is shut now but the horse has well and truly bolted !! What there is in the USA as far as guns go, is mind boggeling I don't know what they could ever hope to do about the guns that are already there. It's not like guns go bad or decay with time either. There are guns from 100 years ago that are perfict they will last 1000 years easily. Also ammunition that is of reasonable quality and well stored will last well over 100 years perhaps 500 years and still work perfictly. That will be dificult to counter.

The fire arms industry is doing very well in the US at the moment because every one is stocking up 'cause they know something is going to happen, Guns and ammo are selling very well right now. The trouble is you just can't beat human nature.



“The knack of flying is learning how to throw your machine at the ground and miss.”

"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your thoughts turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."  ~Leonardo Da Vinci
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#30

I agree there are arguments for both sides. Also agreed that legal guns have to be held securely. However locks and safes only stop honest people. Burglars who locate a safe will know something valuable is inside & will come back prepared. The debate is mainly targeted at US where some killings occur because of easy access to guns by people who may not have committed the slaughter if they were harder to obtain. Ie littly Johnny grabs dad's gun from home & goes back to school to shoot Freddie because he stole his lunch money. Just 1 life saved is worth the effort.
Back to the topic, funny or crazy. I say crazy because that fruitloop Alex Jones is unable to accept that there are 2 sides.
Back to my earlier statement, he who lives by the sword, dies by the sword & whilst people in the US are entitled to bear arms for defence there will be preventable innocent lives lost. An ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure. Many more cliches available.
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